Saturday, November 7, 2009

Mario Lopez: please, please, please don't be gay!



If you're like me, Saved By the Bell was a big part of your childhood. The big question was whether you preferred Zack Morris or A.C. Slater. At the time, I liked Zack, who was so fantastically cool, smart alecky and always trying to get away with something, even if he was a clone of Ferris Bueller and Parker Louis Can't Lose.

I may have to rethink that, considering how cute and dimpled A.C. Slater was, even if he did sport that ridiculous Meximullet. There was this bizarre, hooty, awed audience noise whenever he flexed, which on average was once per episode.

What about Mario Lopez? Frankly, he could go either way: if he turned out either to be gay or straight I'd find either possibility astonishing.

Still, something does definitely set off my gaydar. Perhaps it's that he goes on about how being in Chorusline is his lifelong dream, or the fact he has a superhot girlfriend that he doesn't actually live with.


Every time I watch Saved by the Bell now, I think of that Harlan Ellison story where the sound editor was set to "sweeten" the laugh track of a television series, and used the sound waves to have a conversation with a long dead woman. In the end, the sound track was actually booing and hissing the series!

3 comments:

Michael said...

Oh just stop. He's my gay fantasy, that's for sure. If you're a bisexual muscle loving fem, where are the peons to Xena and Grace Jones and all the sword and sandals muscle grrls? When I was into taking all the latest supplements, I used to frequent a bb/vitamin store that was owned by a bb couple, and I swear the woman was twice the man of her husband. Her lat spread and bb swagger was just amazing. And she was totally nice and a really wonderful person. I'd have been really into her except for a certain appendage issue that we gays have.

So comr on, feel the noise, bring on the muscle grrls!

Michael said...

Peons? Did I just say peons? My bad. Ouch. I meant paean.

Esperanto Grrl said...

Michael, I can sure as heck understand Mario Lopez being your gay fantasy. The amazing part here is that this might be a gay fantasy that's actually gay!

If I was given $100 to wager on whether Mario was gay or straight, I'd put $30 on gay, $30 on straight, $10 on bi and I'd use the rest to have dinner someplace.

Paul Telfer, I believe, is bisexual.

As for a few gorgeous muscular ladies, I think there are only a few women that can carry it as well as the boys do. But you're right, I ought to write something about them. One of my boyfriends had a female personal trainer with deltoid shaped shoulder muscles, and it was with great awkwardness I hid my obvious crush.

I've always liked sexuality that is unusual and often threatening to men.