I (Heart) Muscles!

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The Hulk ripping out of clothes is still sexy years later. My one regret about the film versions was they went with a computer animated monster. All it needed was a few Oiliphants and the Hulk would be a particularly deadly agent of Sauron, albeit one that looks like a lime-colored Gummi Bear.

Sure, I know guys with bods like Ferrigno don't grow on trees, but couldn't they have at least made an effort to find some guy that could be a body for the Hulk?

Mario Lopez: please, please, please don't be gay!

If you're like me, Saved By the Bell was a big part of your childhood. The big question was whether you preferred Zack Morris or A.C. Slater. At the time, I liked Zack, who was so fantastically cool, smart alecky and always trying to get away with something, even if he was a clone of Ferris Bueller and Parker Louis Can't Lose.

I may have to rethink that, considering how cute and dimpled A.C. Slater was, even if he did sport that ridiculous Meximullet. There was this bizarre, hooty, awed audience noise whenever he flexed, which on average was once per episode.

What about Mario Lopez? Frankly, he could go either way: if he turned out either to be gay or straight I'd find either possibility astonishing.

Still, something does definitely set off my gaydar. Perhaps it's that he goes on about how being in Chorusline is his lifelong dream, or the fact he has a superhot girlfriend that he doesn't actually live with.


Every time I watch Saved by the Bell now, I think of that Harlan Ellison story where the sound editor was set to "sweeten" the laugh track of a television series, and used the sound waves to have a conversation with a long dead woman. In the end, the sound track was actually booing and hissing the series!

Jayne Mansfield on her love of muscle guys

Taken from "The Wide World of Jayne Mansfield." Jayne, with her usual husky, breathy whisper of a voice, talks about how much she loves muscle guys and sexually fantasizes about gladiators.

This campy, frivolous documentary about Jayne's world tour is actually unintentionally bittersweet because it was made a few months before her death.

Hercules Returns!

For heaping helpings of muscle guys, not to mention that Australian sense of humor that we've all come to know and tolerate, try "Hercules Returns," an Aussie dub of a Sword n' Sandal picture done for comic effect, a la "Kung Pow: Enter the Fist."









I will admit to a love of goofy dubbing effects and their comic value. True story: I saw "Kung Pow: Enter the Fist" the same day I saw the unbearable "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon," easily the worst movie ever nominated for Best Picture (at least until The Aviator and Benjamin Button came along!). Perhaps it was high expectations, but I was led to believe by a friend that it was the Martial Arts equivalent of Errol Flynn in Adventures of Robin Hood or Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Boy, was it a disappointment. I had to see another film to wash the taste from my mouth. So I snuck into "Kung Pow: Enter the Fist." And boy, did that film do the trick. It was weird, screwy and funny. What I find most amazing is how almost every scene in the trailer was quite literally the least funny scenes in the film. Predictably enough, the critics didn't "get it." Apparently, none of them played with dubbing equipment when they were growing up.