Unbelievable Epic Fabio Movie: I suffered for my art, and now it's your turn!

Fabio, he of the Afghan hound tresses and solid square profile known for his endorsement of love and romance the world over, actually produced a supercheesy direct to video film back in 1993 called "A Time For Romance." My favorite is the place on the box art where it calls the Fabster "every woman's perfect man." (Hahahahahaha.)

I know that it's always unwise to link to copywritten material on YouTube because it doesn't last very long up there, but my gut tells me that nobody's going to be challenging this particular infringement anytime soon...except for maybe an embarassed Fabio himself.

Remember a while back when I said Zeb Atlas is the kind of guy you admire but can't help but laugh at? Fabio would be "Exhibit A" when it comes to that definition. I wrote my thoughts on his bizarre fame and my one meeting with him here.

But I have to say, at least he's got a pretty striking profile and at least in this particular movie was built at least as big as most of the Herculeses.

"A Time For Romance" is pretty hilariously bad and unintentionally funny at every point. It's great to see when drunk and with your friends. I swear, at no point does this movie ever ratchet back a notch from "11."

As a side note to amuse my fellow Millennials (or Generation Y, whatever we're called now), the heroine in the first Viking scenario is played by Raja Baroudi, the leader of the Mighty Morphin Alien Rangers. What I find even more amazing is this movie isn't even listed on her IMDB page.



A few things to notice:

Fabio, dressed as a Viking, looks like a young version of Vigo the Carpathian.

6:30 - There's no way to ever possibly do a realistic romance story of this type, because actually being a captive of a Viking or pirate reaver...would actually be pretty horrifying.

6:45 - This shot of our heroine's plunging cleavage is pretty bizarre, especially considering the target audience for this film.



1:08 - Why? Why is Fabio shirtless at this point? The only person that compulsively took his shirt off with this much gusto was Shatner.

3:55 - Is that the same dress Karen Allen wore in Raiders of the Lost Ark?

4:20 - You know, I feel kinda bad even saying this because of my own regional accent and I know firsthand how terrible it is to have your intelligence judged on the basis of how you speak, but still...it's almost laughably funny to hear Fabio speak English. Arnold had an accent, but at least it was obvious he knew the words he was saying meant.

8:12 - The matter-of-fact way rape is discussed in this film is one of the most amusing things about it.



My favorite part about all this is the obvious way they're using public domain music like Pachibel to cut down costs.

0:20 - Is he wearing some sort of wizard's robe? Anyway, it's a vast improvement over his previous outfits, which look like he got them by raiding Liberace's closet.

1:53 - Fabio gets beaten at Chess by some random person. How unintentionally realistic!

2:55- Jesus Christ, that is some horny, angry kissing. It's like watching two Klingons mate.

4:25 - You can just see what Fabio is thinking here. "Hey, where's the Power Ranger chick? You know, the one that's considerably less dumpy looking?"

4:40 - Yeah, I can't believe it either, lady.



0:15 - That is one comically huge rose. It's like something Krusty the Klown would give you during courtship.


Final Fun Fact: according to IMDB, Fabio, as a baby, was the infant in "Atlas in the Land of the Cyclops." Apparently, Fabio was selected by DESTINY to be a supercheesy beefcake star!