Things that turn me on

Thought I might compile a list of things that turn me on, especially about muscle guys.

1. Older-Lady-Younger-Guy. After marriage, I'm probably going to leave my husband for a 20 year old, brawny boy-toy. In fact, that's probably going to be the topic of my next story: a cougar and her cougar cub.

2. Big Thighs. Seriously, nothing's better than clutching thighs the size of granite and as wide as tree-trunks. Nothing's better than seeing a guy in jeans, whose thighs fill them up like walnuts in a condom, whose teardrop shaped muscles make his legs look sunken.

3. Dark hair/Light Eyes combination. Nothing makes me melt like a blue or (especially!) green eyed guy with dark hair.

4. Well-groomed goatees. The handsome, charismatic Robert Downey Jr. (one of my five favorite actors of all time, incidentally) had one in his latest adventure movie, and I have to say, it looked GOOD.

5. Deep voice. Love a guy with a deep, growly voice that makes my toes curl. The best one would be some combination of Orson Welles and Barry White.

6. Tarzan. This one is self-explanatory. Tanned, hard, rugged wilderness guy that can fight tigers for me with his bare hands.

7. Captain Jack from Doctor Who. That man was put on earth to thrill women.

8. Accents. My personal choice for the sexiest? North Italian. Or maybe a Jamaican.

9. Bisexual guys. Nothing's hotter than a guy that wouldn't mind "sharing." Paul Telfer's supposed to be bi.

10. Daniel Dae Kim. You know, the Korean guy from LOST? Seriously, ever seen that guy shirtless? He's got abs that could break a bowling ball to glass.

11. Tattoos. I love a man like I love my coffee: hot, black, and covered with scorpions. I like "nice guys" but deep down, there's a motorcycle riding bad boy I secretly want!

12. Places to have sex. On top of the hood of a lowrider.

13. Smutty-minded men. Remember the old urban legend that guys think about sex once a minute? Ha ha, if only. But it's a nice thought, isn't it?

14. Well-Endowed Men. Any girl that says it doesn't matter has a boyfriend that isn't very large. Nothing feels better than a massively endowed stallion, especially if he's got muscles to match. It's not so much important if he's big, so long as he's THICK, an iron-hard girthy girder that makes you feel during sex that he's touching you in the neck.

15. Smart guys. I guess you figure I probably added this one so I don't look shallow, but really, this is very important to me. Ideally, a guy should be like the men of Ancient Greece: handsome, well-developed bodies, but with well-developed minds. Our school system should encourage the Greek Ideal!

16. Rich guys. Always make sure to look for the bulge in the back of the pants, as well as the front!

17. Feats of Strength. Nothing's hotter than a guy that tears phone books with his hands, can crack a walnut between his pecs, or bend a penny in between his abs with a crunch. Not to mention popping a measuring tape with his neck or bicep flex! What's more dramatic is popping a measuring tape with the TRICEPS - those muscles are really the part that give the arm its size.

18. Vampires. Some girls are waiting for their Prince Charming. Me, I'm waiting for Dracula.

19. Aussies. Love Australian guys! Bronze-tanned, rugged, from Outback cowboys to surfer guys, they grow 'em big and cute Down Under!

20. Small Waists. A big upper torso and wide back isn't as dramatic or sexy unless the guy has a small hard waist for it to spring from.

21. A big tongue. Sticks it out, and it stretches six inches or more. This is even more important than big genitals at least for me. A long tongue is great for those, ah, hard to reach places.