Artist Roundup: A visit with David

Now check this out, this just never happens.

First, some Poser art that isn’t mind-destroyingly terrible. How about that, eh? I think Hell just froze over.

Visit David’s website here.

Wow, what a face! The most striking thing about him is, he’s extremely hunky in a way that makes you doubt what you’re seeing is possible, but realistic enough to know you can doubt what you’re seeing, if that makes sense at all. Damn!

Second, this is on a Geocities site. Wow, doesn’t that just bring back memories? Remember when the internet was actually pretty cool, and every nut with a conspiracy theory had a Geocities site? Yep, it actually took a little effort to get out and connect to other people. MySpace and Friendster killed the Geocities star.

It used to be fun to find a cool website where the Final-Fantasy obsessed webmaster would post her kitten pics and Gargoyles slashfic. Nowadays, the internet is barren of little gems like this website, and is all the poorer for it. In fact, with the rise of the social networking sites like MySpace (pronounced Mee-Spah-Chee), I’m inclined to think the Internet has jumped the shark.


Essentially, the whole David website is dedicated to a baby-blue eyed superhunk with the amusingly plain, unpretentious name of David. David raises the exact same questions Malibu Barbie does: like for instance, how can she be both a Flight Attendant and a Prima Ballerina? I won't deny, I got a little crush on David, with his built godlike physique and Yaklike chest hair. The best part is, he's so unreally large, yet possible, he activates the part of my brain inherited from our animal ancestors, who used to breed with males based on their size alone.

David's pretty much the only thing on the site, in various outfits like a guy playing with his poser doll, and obviously so much work has gone into creation of a fake alternate universe for him (see the below cover) that I suspect that David is the artist’s younger, handsomer, more successful, better endowed and (finally) stronger and shapelier dream alter-ego.

What’s especially worth noting are the pages about the guys that “inspired David.” While I thank him for bringing a few of these guys to my attention (that superhot 6’6” guy Lucille Ball hung around with is worth a post by himself!), it has the side-effect of dating the artist.

I don’t know this artist personally, but yet, I feel like I do.

He’s a Boomer, obviously; Dad was a war vet and then an underpaid wrenchslinger at a factory; Mom’s a homemaker, and he’s a towel-headed scamp accompanied by his dog, a slingshot in his back pocket, with hobbies that include stickball with the neighborhood kids, reading horror comics, Hardy Boys and Tom Swift novels, and finally, that brand-spanking new invention, television. Yep, after waiting the 60 seconds’ warm up time, that black and white giant twelve-incher showed images of Howdy-Doody, the Lone Ranger, and Captain Video...but also Tarzan and gladiator movies, that made little Davie Artist feel as if he only liked girls (voice becomes a whisper here) because he was supposed to.

Now the most absolutely unbelievable part about this whole site is the Cafepress store, which has to be seen to be believed. It features such gems as this Wanted Poster (for only $7.99!) Now, I’m hardly what you’d call a shy or reserved type by any means. In fact, my uptight, Christian ex-co-workers at the Library think I’m the Whore of Babylon. But still, even I’m too shy to possibly stick this bad boy on my office cubicle wall.

What’s even more impressive is how big the fan club is, around 1,500 members in the group as of this writing! All that, despite the fact the attention-grabbing pic that supposed to lure you into the club, looks a little like David’s wearing the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

They also have a thing about wanting some David fanfiction. Hey, what the hell! I just might write some...